The importance of bonding

Apr 1, 2021

Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.
(Proverbs 22:6, NLT)

As simple as a smile, an encouraging word, sitting down and playing their favourite game, spending time listening to your children… actively listening to them, bonding with your child is the most valuable gift you can give them and positive attention communicates to your child, that they are valuable.

Feeling valuable not only shows your child that they have a place to belong and builds a sense of safety and security, it also builds self-confidence, a positive self-identity and bonding with your child, showing them they are beyond loved, builds the confidence they need to step out into the world, know who they are, and make a difference.

Bonding isn’t only about time, it’s about treating your child kindly and respectfully, counselling and taking opportunities to speak into their lives, it teaches your child how to have healthy relationships as they grow.

For us, in our family, quality time, time we invest in our children as individuals, allows us to connect, instil trust and let our children just speak, without judgement, about absolutely anything. Easy you say… does anyone else have a teenager? Just when you think you have got them worked out and nothing they say could surprise you, they go and change on you!

In Deuteronomy 6 we are called to A Call for Wholehearted Commitment. In verse 6 & 7 we are instructed to instil the commandments into our children.

"6 And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today. 7 Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up.” (Deuteronomy 6: 6-7 NLT)

Talk with your child about how they are feeling. What are their concerns, how do they feel in certain situations, what concerns them, what are their train of thoughts? You may be surprised by what made them feel that way and how they work through these feelings.   

Not only does it give you amazing opportunities to speak into their lives and help them make sense of what they are feeling, but it shows your children that the way they feel in situations is valid, and they feel listened to.

Talking with your child, not at your child, shows them that they are listened to, it gives you opportunities to help guide them in expressing their feelings in a healthy way, but most of all it gives your child a sense that you will love them no matter what. Sure, there have been times that we have been disappointed with things that they have shared but it's about assuring them that they are loved and accepted for who they are.

We may think that listening is something we do, but have we ever stopped to reflect on how we react to what we hear?

We can learn a lot about listening from Jesus in the bible:

  • Jesus was willing to listen another person’s perspective, he wanted to listen to people’s concerns, values, and spiritual condition, and he listened in order to understand.

  • Jesus took time to show people how important they were to Him by giving them His undivided attention. He listened to hear, not to find ways to criticise.

  • Jesus was willing to listen without interrupting, he listened to really hear what people were saying to him.

In conclusion, Jesus has commissioned us to make disciples of all nations. You may not think you are in ministry, but if you are a stay at home mother or father, work in the corporate world, in childcare, in the community, in construction, retired or anything in between… you ARE in ministry.

Part of being commissioned to make disciples is to tend to the tasks that God has given you to do. Raising God fearing sons and daughters is a privilege, one we shouldn’t take lightly. Bonding with our children is the most active way that we can build up the next generation to have the confidence and assurity of who they are in Christ, to step out without fear of the future, and to continue their calling of increasing the kingdom of heaven.  Let’s pray:

Dear Lord Jesus,
Thank-you for the wonderful privilege of raising our sons and daughters. We are aware of the awesome privilege we have as parents, to raise them to love and follow you. We ask that you would give us your knowledge, wisdom, counsel and power to create a healthy, safe environment where our children can share honestly and openly with us. Give us listening ears and listening hearts to attend to the very real needs of our children. In Jesus name, Amen.

Kettrick Shefferman
Being His Presence In Every Place